“view from the 19th hole”

(photo from the Conrad Pezula Hotel & Resort Knysna, South Africa)

(sitting on the clubhouse terrace: Elaine, Seminole, the Basker Brothers (Slim and DickHead) — at a table with a view of the 18th green, deep into their 7th round of cocktails)

ELAINE: (looks at hands; sweet) My hands are so, fuck-ing clean.

SEMINOLE: (offhand, passing) Cool, babe. … So, Slim, tell me how you managed to slice and dice the Tenderloin deal?

SLIM: (smiles, smug) Not saying.

DICKHEAD: (in the dying light of big-brother adulation) He says “not saying is the key to all success.”

SEMINOLE: Yeah, I can see that. Mystery as the Queen of Leverage. Wasn’t it that Berkshire Hathaway dude who said “Give me a mystery large enough, and I can move the world?”

ELAINE: (looking at course) I think that was Newton.

DICKHEAD: Actually, it was Bobby Orr, holding up his stick after the Bruins won the Stanley Cup for the first time in 29 years, in 1970.

SLIM: Actually, I think it was NostrilDameOhs, that hot, Greek girl with an incredible, honker nose for prognostication.

ELAINE: (glances at Slim then back at course, casually touching nose)

WAITER JOE: (walks up with tray of refills, begins setting drinks on table) Actually, it was Archimedes, the Greek toga party impresario, in Chapter 14 of “How to Make Your Toe Gaga Produce Returns.” (bounces eyebrows at DickHead)

DICKHEAD: (gives him look that says) Go hand-fuck yourself, waiter boy.

WAITER JOE: (finishes) Gentlemen. (turns and leaves)

ELAINE: (pause; big sigh) I wish my calves were smaller. Like they were when Mom and I just roamed the range, alone and free, before the arrival of the cowpokes.

SEMINOLE: (looks at her) Babe — I thought you liked the cowpoke thing?

ELAINE: (glances at him, back at course) Uh-huh.

20160717 11:25 (290 words)
▸ John Doe performing “Go Baby Go” on video Mar. 2016, provided to YouTube by The Orchard Enterprises, song from “The Westerner” 2016, available from Cool Rock Records and Amazon
▸ The Head and the Heart performing “Cats and Dogs” & “Coeur D’Alene” in studio Jul. 2010, from “The Head and the Heart” 2011
▸ The Lemonheads performing “Rockin Stroll” by Evan Dando, on music video Oct. 2009, from “It’s a Shame About Ray” 1992
▸ The Paper Kites performing “I’m Lying to You Cause I’m Lost”, from “twelvefour” 2015

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